Diligence

If you knew there was someone stronger than you in your midst who wanted to harm you, you would lock yourself inside your house and not cease to keep watch over the door until you knew the threat had passed. If you really believed there was a danger, you would be diligent and not relent until you knew you were safe. Whether it was that the threat had left or you had armed yourself strong enough for the defense, you would not relax and lost track of the danger until you felt secure.

My flesh is against me. (Newsflash: yours is too.) At the moment my flesh is still stronger. It is interested in self-satisfaction and not best interest. It lives by the mantra "buy now, pay later." It is short-sighted, selfish and only seeking indulgence. That may sound hyper-spiritual to some, but it's true. Willpower will only get you so far, eventually it will subside. There has to be a better solution to be able to overpower the flesh.

There was a discussion today about my leftover cupcake on Facebook. I was advised to toss it out, even to spit on it. I see the short term wisdom in the advice, but my issue is, the cupcake is not my enemy. There will always be cupcakes and treats and to think I will say "no" to them all for the rest of my life is unrealistic. (Especially since it's my birthday week, haha.) I know my real battle is internal, not external. Food needs to be food, and it is ok to eat the things you enjoy, in moderation.

I went on a date night with my hubby tonight. I only ate half my meal! When I got home I cut the leftover cupcake in half and split it with Neal, those were GOOD choices. But then I crossed the line and made food the entertainment again and brought out the See's candy, and then I, in my relaxed manner, took three pieces instead of one.

I lost track of my flesh. I wasn't beng diligent and I let my guard down. Eating the cupcake, half of it even, wasn't the problem. The problem was that food got out of focus and became more than it's supposed to be. I crossed the line with the candy. I took a few steps more past it when I grabbed, one, two, three pieces. I let the flesh go, and now I am sitting here and anticipating great disappointment when I get on the scale tomorrow.

What I am realizing is that I need to be more diligent. I can't relax. And what I am really realizing is I need to be more diligent in seeking God's help in controlling my flesh. I'm not sure that's been the case so far. I do think the Lord has been helping me, but by His grace more than at my request.

This is only day 6, and I am just beginning to muddle through, but I know if the Lord is not the souce of my strength in this battle, I'm never going to win.


Today's weight: 217.8

Today's battles: My sweet tooth kicked in big time tonight.

Today's better choice: I split my leftover cupcake from yesterday with Neal. (And bonus points that I didn't give in to it last night.)

Today's defeat: After the cupcake I went for the See's candy and had 3 pieces. I felt the regret immediately and physically. (I'm anticipating a bad weigh in tomorrow.)

Today's victory: I only ate one mean today because Neal and I had a date night out to dinner, I truly found true hunger. And I brought half of the meal home.