I've been thinking about deleting this blog. It started out as a concept in my mind, I thought it would be what I needed to press through and get back on track and get my weight back down. But it didn't turn out that way.
I am actually five pounds heavier than I was when I started the blog.
When I last posted I was looking toward summer as an opportunity to get more active and get back on track. But then I hurt my back, and I was battling with the pain of it. Then by the end of June I had an accident that completely shut down my "back on track" plans when I ended up with a limp for most of the month of July. In fact, it's only been a week or two that I have actually walked around without pain in my ankle (though coming down stairs is still a challenge), but the pain in my back has reached serious and severe levels with no improvement.
But lack of exercise didn't have to put a limp in food changes, but it did.
Last week I woke up one morning and as I was entering consciousness I heard myself say, "I confess to you Father that I've made food an idol." All I can say is, it had to be the work of the Holy Spirit because I just don't think I would have confessed such a thing of my own free will.
Then Monday night at Bible study I found myself giving my food issues as the example in my life of walking in the flesh instead of walking in the Spirit. Suddenly I heard myself talking about the SIN of overeating. And suddenly I realized what freedom there was in calling it sin.
Jesus died to give me victory over sin. And here's the thing, it's a done deal. SIN has lost. So Tuesday I changed my mindset. I thought about the battle, instead of focusing on the spoils.
When I let SIN win, I enjoyed the spoils. Pigging out, eating sweets and fried foods is fun. It tastes good. And when I just surrender the battle, I enjoy it, and it's not until I can't zip up my pants that regret settles in. But once I put on a comfy pair of sweats or the capri's that still fit, the shame and sadness of not fitting into my jeans doesn't resonate strongly enough to put down the doughnut.
But Tuesday I decided I didn't want to work on willpower anymore. I'm going to call the overeating what it is, it's sin. And I am going to focus not on the food, and not even the eating, I'm going to focus on the Spirit that lives in me. Because greater is He that lives in me than he that lives in the world. And God is for me, and wants me healthy and strong.
As I write this, I can tell you today was not a great day. Neal made not one but TWO stops at cupcake shops on the way home from the beach. There are 2 cupcakes eaten, but there are also 2 cupcakes in the kitchen I'm saying "no" to. Somewhere in the midst of those four cupcakes is God's grace.
My goal isn't actually a number on a scale. I am sure I have said that here before. My goal is freedom in my eating. I want food just to be food. I want to be wise and equipped to make healthy choices, but I don't want to walk around disheartened over cupcakes eaten.
So this week I went to the chiropractor to start getting my back issue corrected. I also started doing yoga again, though it is a pressing through the pain. I finally found a store where I can buy fresh produce at a reasonable price. And for the last week not only I, but also my family has been snacking more on nectarines, grapes, strawberries and peaches, and less cookies and chips have been consumed. Truth be told, the cupboards are pretty bear right now, but the fruit drawer in the fridge is full. It's a step of wisdom towards freedom with food.
I am monitoring my intake more, and paying attention to calories and fat grams, because there is nothing bad about having knowledge and being equipped. There's an app for that... and I'm using it, literally. I'm going to hunt down my pedometer this week for the same purpose. I will climb on the scale from time to time, but I'm not going to let it decide how my day will go.
My goal is good health. Good food choices and more activity are key. The size of my clothes don't have to be, though they may. My goal is to live in the freedom and victory that Christ died to give me. I'm taking food off the throne it's held in my life, and letting Christ be Lord, of all.
I don't know how much I will be blogging here, it may become part of the routine, or this blog may soon get shut down. I don't know, we'll see where the Lod leads.
