Things at work have been so stressful, and my "job" is too look constantly at the most stressful and disheartening information. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." says Hebrews 11:1, but when what you look at it constantly is so contrary to what you hope for, it battles against hope and faith.
A lot of mornings I wake up and I think to myself and whisper quietly to the Lord, "I can't do this." And I actually find myself hoping one of the kids will be sick and we'll have to stay home. Nothing serious mind you, just a low grade temp, I just hope for enough to not have to go to work.
Today I had to stay home. It wasn't because someone was sick but because the phone problem and work graduated to an internet problem. So I had to stay at home and get on the internet throughout the day to babysit email for work and transcribe responses which is similar to typing in a language you don't speak.
It was a long hard crappy day and the night is now even 10,000 times worse and I don't even want to type about it anymore. It's all I can do not to say bad words and scream. So, although staying home has sounded appealing for a while. I got to today and it wasn't at all what I had hoped for in fact in sucked. And now sucks even more.
Today's weight: 218.0
Today's battles: Home alone all day with a pantry full of food.
Today's better choice: Can't really say I made any good choices today.
Today's defeat: Too many emotional eating choices.
Today's victory: No good choices = no victory.
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