March Madness

Oh my word.... I am STRUGGLING!!!!

February was a tough month for me, both boys birthdays and lots of celebrating, it was probably worse than the holidays for me.  And to be honest, I'm just a little bit worn out from eating low carb and try to watch my weight. 

March came with new resolve but it was weak... oh so weak.  And before long I abandoned it altogether. I gave myself a pass for the month of March.  It's my birthday month, after all, what harm can a little celebrating do?

The answer to that question can go many ways.  Not much is a completelty viable answer, as long as I keep my focus and don't go crazy. Unfortunately, that's NOT what's going on.

The answer to the question "How much harm can it do?" Is "A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT!!" 

Actually it was just yesterday that things went really wrong, but boy oh boy, it's such a fight!  (Hence the title to this blog.)  I have to come to terms with the fact that despite having lost over 50 lbs, I still have a lot to overcome on the battlefield of the mind.

My intention has been to allow myself to just lay aside the "low carb lifestyle" for a few (more) weeks.  That doesn't have to be a bad thing, but the problem is the longer I'm "free" the more I lose the mindset of loosened restrictions and exchange it for a "free for all" eat as much as I can in as short a time as possible.  And I end up having crazy binging days like I did yesterday.  Days like I am trying to hold myself back from today.  Too many days like this will be a fast track back to the plus size lifestyle that I so desperately don't want to be a part of.

There are so many key choices that I am not being diligent in. 

(1) Don't have the temptation handy. - A craving filled "devil may care" walk through Trader Joe's brought all kinds of things into my office and I consumed way more than was even reasonable.

(2) Don't listen to your body. - I didn't have to go pick up a pizza last night just because I was "craving" it. And I definitely didn't have to buy the large, especially when I was the only one home.  No, I didn't eat the whole thing or anything, but I still ate more than I should.

(3) LISTEN to your body. - Last night after eating myself way above the full meter I still ate a little more because Neal brought home a treat.  Yes, I said no to the fries, but I didn't pass on his dessert, and I didn't need it.  It didn't even feel good to eat it!  But I did anyway.

(4) Don't drink your calories. - I am REALLY good about not drinking my calories when I'm focused on the low carb lifestlye (because all caloric drinks are carb filled drinks.)  I stick primarily to iced tea and water, but now I'm stopping once or twice a day at Jack in the Box for PEACH iced tea, DOUBLE syrup because it tastes good, and it also raises my sugars, has lots of excess and unnecessary calories and creates a carb craving in me that I need to avoid. 

(5) Get rid of the now or never mindset. - The truth is, the food should be able to be said "NO" to.  It's not as though I can't have it later, or never.  I eat like if I don't I'm going to be missing out on something, or like the opportunity to have a Creme Brulee Bruxie (the dessert I should have passed on last night) is never going to come up again. 

See?  I know the rules.  I KNOW how to be a thin eater and take care of myself, I'm just not doing it.  And I get on the scale and I'm up three pounds in a day!  Three pounds that can take a week or more to lose, IF I'm doing things right! 

3 years ago when I tutrned 40 I found myself at this exact place.  I was feeling great after losing a lot of weight, but something happened and I plummeted down hill working my way back up to my highest weight ever.  Next Tuesday I will turn 43 and I'm at this crossroads again.  I have GOT to get my head on straight and get my act together! 

March has been a month of madness, my own personal worst kind, and I can't let it continue.  I may not go back on low-carb eating till after Easter as I originally planned, but I HAVE to set these wise rules back in action in order to not completely undermine the effort and success I've already had.  I can't do it in my own strength, apparently, so I need to right my focus, grab hold of my God and remember that I need to get it together because it's the right thing to do, it's the best way to honor my God and it's the best possible birthday gift I can give to myself. 

Help me Father, in Jesus' name!