Three years ago this month when I celebrated my 40th birthday I was feeling great. I had lost about 35 lbs, was working out regularly and looked and felt better than I had in years physically. At the same time I was at probably my lowest point spiritually than I had been since I rededicated my life to Christ in 1992. I heard myself in a conversation right around that time and I said "Jesus will always be there, right now I am going to put all my focus on my physical health, my spiritual health can wait." Boy was I standing on a dangerously slippery slope that day. I look back at that girl and I want to slap her and ask her, what in the world was she thinking?
The truth is, she was thinking all about self. And by were here priorities out of whack. She had freely exchanged the Rock foundation for sand. What a fool, she actually thought she could succeed (at anything) on her own? It wasn't long after that that everything went to hell in a hand basket. All her personal efforts fell completely apart and by summer I started putting weight back on and over the next two years I put on 52 lbs and landed at the heaviest and most unhealthy place I'd ever been in my life. The rotten on the inside squeezed out into my everything.
But God in His grace did recapture my heart. I righted my heart toward Him. The next year might have been my best year spiritually since I'd come to Christ, reading through the whole Bible in a year, falling in love with God's Word again, letting go of every distraction. God did a lot in my spirit over the next year, even if my body went to pot.
Last year the two worlds finally collided, and while holding on to Jesus with both hands and all my heart, I set out to get my body right as well. From June to December I took off over 50 lbs, but the battle between body and spirit and the priorities for both has begun again.
I learned a hard lesson, I will never (with God's help) ever put my physical health above my spiritual well-being ever again. With God's help, with God's help, in Jesus' name with God's help... I definitely learned one thing, never think myself above a stumble!! Maybe that's the REAL lesson I learned!
Anyway, I've been struggling again, but it's a different kind of struggle. It's no longer the flesh against the spirit-- no, now that the two of them finally seem to be lined up, both the flesh and the spirit seem to be under attack. Truthfully, that fight can cause a fight between them though, and I find myself desperately battling between the two. It's like a marriage, the flesh and the spirit. When under stress or attack they can do one of two things come together or turn on each other. Lately, it's been fighting times, both under attack the spirit and flesh are going after each other.
It's pretty simple to address the issue, when flesh rises against spirit, the one who's been "eating" the best will win. Warning though, if you're just lackadaisical the flesh is being fed all the time even if it isn't intentional, and it will rise up against the spirit, and even if it doesn't win, it will give it one heck of a beating. That's what's been going on with me.
My body is broken, working out hasn't been going on because of it. My wherewithal and resolve to stick to the diet have been weak at best (there is ALWAYS a reason to postpone the diet till tomorrow.) Last night I was watching The Biggest Loser, and I listened as the final 5 contestants talked about never going back. I have not headed that direction, but the risk has been high. A month ago I felt great working out while I watched BL, two weeks ago guilt crept in as I sat and stuffed my face watching the same. Last night I sat plotting a trip to 7-Eleven for a candy bar (I ate 2 the night before) and I decided I didn't want to go back either. I got up and ran on the trampoline while I watched the BL contestants fight for their goals.
I'm 67% of my way to the goal I set back in June when I hit my bottom and headed back on the track to getting healthy mind, body AND spirit. I'm just a couple pounds below where I was when I fell painfully backwards three years ago. I don't want to go there again. I took a good step the right direction last night, but I've got a lot of steps to make if I want to make the other 33% to goal. I want it, but I've got to want it more, and I've got to want to do it with my focus right and gripping to my Savior. He is my salvation and my hope, not just in the "end" but all along the way. I really hope I can get there! Lord help me!
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