One Bite at a Time.

How did I get back here? One bite at a time. That's a disappointing and tragic real-life twist on an otherwise fun idiom. But it's also extremely true. I have got back from within 8 lbs of where I was when I started trying to lose weight in September 2009. The only thing I have not done is get out "the shorts" I kept as a "where I was" measurement, because I know if I put them on, they would be far too close to a perfect fit. (You can see me in them, hiding behind Ethan in the 2nd picture from the left across the top of the page.)

In September 2009 I went on Atkins, and by January 1st, 2010, I was down 30 lbs. I started a solid workout regimen with the New Year and continued to lose. By summer I was feeling great, getting strong, loving life and down another 19 lbs, without being on Atkins. But shortly after that, something began to unravel. It started with a chaotic summer schedule. By the end of the summer I was up 13 lbs. Over the next year, I gained back 32 more pounds. I got within just 5 lbs of where I started, having to scrounge through and find the few "fat clothes" I'd had kept, and buy a few things to replace the ones I had thrown away. 2011 was a year of utter failure physically.

As great as 2010 was physically, it was not a good year for me spiritually. The truth is, my "health" and my body, and working out had become idols to me. I remember a conversation with a friend where I actually made the statement, "I know I am focusing on my body a lot, but God will always be there, being in the Word and pursuing Him can wait." And it did. And I slipped further and further away from Him, until one day in September 2010 He pressed through my arrogance and woke me up. I went running to Him (in the non-exercise sense) and abandoned any efforts to stay physically active. And I went back into old routines with food, and one bite at a time, the weight climbed back up.

2011 I did a lot of things right. Spiritually speaking, my focus was good. I was back in the Word like I had not been in years. I found my first love, and I was faithful in pursuing the things of God. Physically, however, I was NOT honoring the Lord. It was a year of a lot of challenges and difficulties, and I often substituted the comfort of food for the comfort of God. It's a cheap counterfeit, and it has a lot of negative consequences. In addition to my clothing issues, I don't feel well, I suspect my blood pressure is back up, and my asthma (which had been dormant for nearly a decade) has presented problems again.

So here we are in 2012, and I want this year to get it right, I want it to be the year of balance... keeping God first in my life, and being the good steward of my body that He desires for me to be. After a year of injury in 2011, I am only feeling the consequences of the sedentary lifestyle I settled back into, no specific issues. And here's the thing, I know the solution to that problem, get moving. Get active, suck it up and go, but don't eat so much along the way.

I know I could go back on Atkins tomorrow and lose a ton (ok, not quite that bad) but a lot of weight. Atkins IS good for me, in that with a blood condition I have, it works well. BUT it is not very practical, it's expensive and it's difficult to feed my family around it. And you could of course make a good argument against the nutrients it lacks. But the bottom line is, for me, Atkins is just another bondage. I become obsessed with every bite I'm going to get to eat. And like I need to be careful with other idols, like my body and exercise, I have to be careful with the diet idol as well.

19 of the pounds I lost (in 5 or 6 months) were lost with the basic principle, "eat less, move more." That's my primary plan- not a diet, or a regimen, just a way of life. I'm starting by walking, at least every other day- but I'm making them prayer walks, Jesus is my walking buddy. I am restricting sugar intake during the week, by not eating any more than one scoop at $1 Scoop Night with family and friends. I'm trying to watch calories and see if that's effective. I may find counting carbs is inevitable, but this is where I am starting.

I don't know how much I'm going to blog here. Accountability is good, but I am not proud of the chronicles of my failures so far. But maybe this time will be different. Maybe I'll go back eventually to the format that I started this blog with, but suffice it to say, I'm 12 lbs heavier than I was when I did. I hope I can find a way to make that inspiring instead of depressing, because I have got to find victory! In Jesus' name!