Enough!

I saw the pictures from my oldest son's graduation days and it made me sick to my stomach.  I looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.  I don't know why the picture was what it took to push me to my breaking point, but that's what it was.

I don't know why the fatigue and the general weakness, tired and lousy feeling that I walked around with wasn't enough.

I don't know why it didn't bother me enough that I would become completely winded just walking up the single flight of stairs to my job.

I don't know why it didn't bother me enough that everything I owned was tight.  Worse, I was to the point that only a few things still even fit as my pile of "fat clothes" were fast becoming clothes I could no longer fit into.

I was having hygiene issues, gross I know, but my blood sugar was out of control and I was battling yeast under my breasts, I had to wash multiple times a  day just to keep it at bay, and I was losing the battle.  I don't know why that wasn't enough to push me to the point of doing something about my weight.

But all of these things were things I chose to overlook, or dismiss.  I was willing to live (loosely using the term "live") for late night stacks of cookies and tall cold glasses of milk.  I was willing to settle for the weak and exhausted just to stay on the couch.  I had absolute freedom to eat what I wanted when I wanted and as much as I wanted, but at what cost?

But it was the photo of myself standing next to my son on his graduation day that finally forced me to stand up and say "Enough!!"  I didn't want to live like this anymore, struggling with my weight, with food issues and just being miserable inside my own body.

It's a picture that someday I hope my grandchildren will look back on and say "Wow Grandma!  You were FAT!!!" And I pray they will say it with shock in their little voices because they cannot for the life of them imagine their grandma being so fat and out of shape. I hope when I take graduation pictures with both my younger children they will stand in stark contrast beside their brother's photo who graduated 8 and 7 years before them.  I hope it will be hard to believe I am actually almost a decade older in the photos that are still to come.

 I;m not done, I haven't met my goal, but I have confidence I will.  Why?  Because even though my weight has risen and fallen like an elevator in the past, this time is different.  Yesterday in church one of our pastors took a moment to address discipline.  And to paraphrase he basically said that all the discipline in the world is for not if Christ isn't behind the reason behind it.  I know that to be true, and even more, I would say it's not ever going to be truly successful unless Christ Himself  is the source of the strength required to live a disciplined life. 

That's the difference for me this time.  As excited as I am about the loss and change, I KNOW, get this, I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, TO THE VERY DEPTH OF MY BEING KNOW, I could not do this, have the success I am having without God's help.  Every day I pray for His help and His strength and the humility in myself to know without Him, I am NOTHING. 

It's good that with a new year a lot of people are stepping up and trying to make positive changes in their lives.  It took till June of last year for me to finally get my act in gear, but I did and I am 65% of the way toward my goal.  That's exciting.  But the fact that it is an adventure with God helping me is what makes it life changing this time. 

The success to my life change is simple, I had to get to the point where I was willing to say Enough!  And actually do something about it, knowing that God was Enough to help see me through.

A New Low

Today is day 172 of my lifestyle change/ weight loss efforts. It's a big day for me because I actually find myself LOWER on the scale than I did when I lost so much weight two years ago.  I think it's likely that this is the lowest I have been since before my baby girl was born at the end of 2001.  I can't say that without absolute certainty because I wasn't one to weight myself for a lot of years because the numbers were so disheartening, but I do know it's the lowest I have been since my 40th birthday.

It's exciting for me because I have so much more balance in my weight loss this time.  Taking care of my body has its proper place in my life.  When I lost the weight at 40, I honestly think I was teetering on the edge of a midlife crisis.  There was an obsessiveness to the process and it wasn't completely for the right reasons, I was very hung up on how I looked, and who might be looking at me than I was about my overall health and well-being and feeling good.  This time the looking good (or better) is just a bonus, and not a focus.

When I lost all the weight the first time I was obsessively rolling out of bed every morning, every morning, to work out on the Wii Fit.  Morning workouts aren't a problem per se, but I remember a conversation with a friend at one point where I told her, "God will always be there, right now I need to focus on me and my body." Um, what?  Hello, danger!  Danger!  It wasn't very long after that that my weight loss efforts completely fell apart and I began the process of putting back on the 50+ lbs that I gained before this current effort to lose weight and get healthy in God's strength and not my own.  I put those 50 lbs on in 2 years.  I wonder if my friend wasn't praying for my perspective to get right.  If she was, I am grateful because I know I walked right up to and contemplated walking down a very dangerous path.

In that season of my life working out became like an addiction.  I remember finding myself in a hotel gym at 6 in the morning on a weekend trip with my husband because I HAD to work out, HAD TO.  It was compulsive and unhealthy.  I was on a marriage retreat weekend and focusing completely on me.  That's a person I don't want to be.

Am I proud of this weight loss?  Yes, I am. But I refuse to be PRIDEFUL IN this weight loss.  I know it's not about anything other than honoring God in my body.  I know it's by HIS power that I am able to have balance and make good choices, work out when I can, but never before or in lieu of spending time with the Lord.  The only thing I find myself being regimented in these days is spending time with Him.  I don't even roll out of bed without prayer, the Word and or journaling to Him.  And every day I pray, "Lord help me lose the weight, but help me keep it in the right perspective. And NEVER let me become full of myself in the process."

I have been open and shared a lot about this weight loss/ lifestyle change process because I want to encourage others.  With God's help ANYONE can do it.  And if you do it with Him, it is a journey worth taking.  All glory to Him!

As of Day 172 I have lost 50.9 lbs; I've lost 3" in each of my arms; 9" in my chest; 13" in my waist; 9" in my hips; and 5" in each of my thighs.  That's 62 1/2% way to my weight loss goal and a total of 47 inches.  That's less than 6 months, only 24 1/2 weeks, and I feel like a new person.  It took two things, saying "Yes" to God and allowing Him to be Lord of my body, the food I eat, and how I care for myself, and then taking the first step with my hand in His.  It's totally worth it, and again, ALL glory to Him!!!

Subtracting carbs

One of the biggest challenges I find in low carb dieting is family meals. In the early part of the diet I typically just go off on my own as far as meals go and don't try at all to eat with the rest of the fam. Sometimes they suffer the consequences though, lots of sandwich nights and frozen pizzas. It gets old quick.
Feeding a family low carb if they aren't eating strictly low carb isn't wise. The meals are often high in fat and calories, which is fine of you're low carb and in ketosis, but not great from a regular diet.
So the key to family meals when I'm dieting is to try to modify for myself subtracting the carbs. Beef stroganoff? Reserve a little meat and mushrooms before adding the sauce and noodle portions and mix a little sure cream in.
I've shared a picture of a family meal this week that I modified. It's not exactly a low day healthy option, but it's a great quick meal before church on a Wednesday night.
I cooked 5 sweet italian sausages as directed on the package. I took 3 whole sourdough rolls and 1/8 of another roll. I buttered the bread and sprinkled it with mozzarella and parmesan and broiled it. In a bowl I warmed about 1/3 cup of spaghetti sauce and spread it on the 3 whole rolls. I put a single sausage on each roll, for the family, dinner is served!
For my low carb option I took the remaining 3 sausages, cut them up, sprinkled them with the mozzarella and parmesan as well and stuck it under the broiler to melt the cheese. Then I serve it in the bowl that I warmed the sauce in so there us just enough to add a little flavor and I serve it with the little piece of cheese bread just to have the taste.
One meal cooked, two different styles, low carb and quick!

Holidays

It's a hard time of year to diet, but it's also a dangerous time of year not to set clear boundaries to keep from moving backwards in your weight loss/ life change goals.

I took the week before Thanksgiving off. I let myself break away from the low-carb regimen to enjoy holiday treats, but not eating low-carb meant having to pay more attention to portion sizes and calorie counts. I'm happy to report at the end of the week/ ten days off I was at the same weight after. 

I've had trouble getting back into ketosis this last week. Even eating primarily low-carb because I didn't go all the way back to hardcore induction phase of Atkins, I never got beyond small or trace ketosis. By the weekend I was discouraged enough I splurged and had some frozen yogurt with toppings at the movies yesterday.

Now the decision is do I try to get back on track tomorrow (because I made a yummy stew tonight) and do low-carb for three weeks till Christmas, or do I try to lose weight the old-fashioned way, eating less and moving more.  I did still manage to lose weight last week, so it might be a legitimate option.

It's encouraging to be moving the right direction on the scale even with more freedom in my eating because it gives me hope for real maintenance when I eventually reach my goal. Food is finally taking it's proper place in my life with God's help.

I'm trusting God will help me make the right choices to keep the scale dropping this holiday season.

The Fall Apart

This coming Monday will mark week 20 on my quest toward my weight goal that's 81.2 lbs below where I began.  Counting every 4 weeks as a month, I've lost right around 10 lbs/ month over the first 4 months. But as month 5 comes to a close, I've only lost about 3 lbs these last four weeks.

What's hardest about that realization is that it's been the last month that I've really taken my efforts to a higher level, working out harder and more often, even throwing (gulp) RUNNING into the mix. So working that hard with such significantly smaller results is a big bummer. And for those of you "inches vs. pounds" folk, my waist hadn't shifted on the last month either. And for you who want to warn me it gets harder as you get closer, I'm not THAT close. And no, I'm not buying into "muscle weighs more than fat" either, something is just not working. I've hit a wall.

To top it off, I learned some bad news today, I'm STILL a emotional eater. And today in my discouragement I fell back into some old habits and tried to eat my frustration.

I started the day out ok, Atkins bar in the morning, a little mid-morning popcorn and a little salami and cheese with bruschetta for lunch, then everything went down hill. First it was one cookie, and a piece of candy, then a second cookie, then three more. Feeling the panic of my decision I took some carb blockers hoping to curb the damage.

I made the mistake of buying the cookies at Trader Joe's. When I'm in a good place one little cookie with only 5 carbs isn't a huge problem, but 20 more cookie carbs, 8 from the candy, and it puts the whole popcorn serving at issue, especially when in the midst if the cookie debacle I finished off more than half the bag.

I went home even more discouraged knowing I was willfully shooting myself in the foot. It didn't stop me grabbing a tootsie roll out of the Halloween candy bowl when I got home though. It's like credit cards, once you use them, it's easy to use them again. Once you fall off the diet wagon it's easy to stay down and roll around in the dirt.

Tomorrow when I get on the scale I will have surely made matters worse. This is where I become painfully aware of the end of my willpower and how short it falls in the requirements to get to my goal.  I need to get some strength outside myself and get back on track. I can't let today's fall apart be the end of my journey toward my goal.

Low-carb Salsa Chicken Salad

Ingredients:
3 large chicken breasts (boneless, skinless)
Lg bag of favorite salad base
2 12oz jars of your favorite salsa
1 8oz package shredded cheese, mexican blend
1 medium tomato, diced
8 oz sour cream (optional)
Low-carb salad dressing (optional)
Doritos tortilla chips

Directions:
Cook chicken breasts in 1 1/3 jars (16 oz) of salsa in crock pot on low for 8-10 hours. Shred chicken when fully cooked.
Place chicken on a plate of salad mix (picture is traditional iceberg salad, I prefer dark greens but was cooking to my family's palette.) Top with 2-3 tbs of shredded cheese and 2-3 tbs diced tomatoes. To with either your favorite low-carb dressing or some of the remaining salsa and a dollop of sour cream. To keep it low-carb crush 2 Doritos chips on top. For the non-carb-counters feel free to crush up a whole handful, the flavor is great. But if you're eating low-carb, you'll want just enough to taste. There are about 3 carbs in the 2 chips. One thing I would add next time would be half an avocado sliced up, it would have been the perfect low carb complement to the meal.

Enjoy!

Progress So Far

Weight Loss Weeks 4-18 - Free Slideshow Maker