Been doing pretty well the last few days. It feels a little like food has lost its grip. It's a good feeling. Feeling hunger a lot more often. It's a sad victory, but a victory just the same.
My devotional from last night, Jesus Lives by Sarah Young, really spoke to me last night. It said, I know you often feel incomplete, as if some vital part of you is missing. When this is just a feeling, not a conscious thought, you respond in many unproductive ways: comforting yourself with food, seeking entertainment, searchingfor yourself in the mirror, and so on. All the while I (God) am waiting for you to remember Me.
I think that's been the difference this last week, I have been remembering who my God is. I am remembering what it means to belong to Him, and to walk in the victory He has given me.
Of course I know that isn't the whole recipe for success. Wednesday is the first, and in honor of the new month I'm going to break my pedometer back out and revive my goal for 10,000 steps a day. It's the first step.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
I said "no" to pie
The battle has still been raging on, and I am losing... I am up 5 lbs from when I first started this blog, which is exceptionally bad news when you consider I dropped four from there.
This weekend I went to a women's retreat, and I don't know what it is about us girls when we get together, but we (at least me and those close to me) treat eating food like it's a sport.
I tried to be relatively good about what I brought up, just almonds mostly, but once we got there I did a swan dive into indulgence of all the yummy goodiness that all my roomies had brought.
Now let me say, ther eis NOTHING wrong with them having brought the goodies, and NO ONE threw me into the pool of over indulgence - I jumped in on my own. The fact is, the revelation was very clear (yet again) that I have some serious issues with self-control. I should be able to stand need deep in Zingers and HoHos and just say "no." Because I am a big girl, and I actually DO have control over what I put in my mouth.
By Saturday night there has been licorice and MnMs and Junior Mints and Hostess Cupcakes and all kinds of goodies, ON TOP of the three square meals a day the camp provided. I did a lot of complaining about the large amount of ruffage we were eating (it may be a while before I can look a salad straight on,) but in reality I should possible send the camp a thank you note that they didn't serve us their well known burgers and burritos.
I ate meals when I wasn't hugry, I went for dessert when I was full. My choices were horrendous and all in the name of "fun." But there is nothing fun about losing control.
Saturday evening after dinner, a dinner I ate though not hungry - but my body was crying out for the first sign of protein, but afterwards I found myself back in my cabin pouring my heart out to God.
A few minutes later my dear friend joined me, and then more friends came along, and we sought the Lord together. Now let me say, not a single word of prayer was about the issue of food. But it was about obedience and God's will, and most of all just about abiding in Him.
We went to service after that. During service I stepped out to use the restroom and found the foyer FILLED with pies, chocolate, strawberry, peach, coconut- it had the makings of a stellar food fight. Despite the over indulgence all weekend long up to that point, I didn't find myself feeling physically full. Hunger was nowhere to be found, but I was not stuffed, but I knew as I stood there there was a battle between me and the pies.
I went back inside where service finished up and told my buddies about what awaited outside, and then it was announced from the front. I had NO DESIRE for pie. Which sadly isn't enough to stop me from indulging anyway, but this time it was. I said no, several times. And I cannot express the sense of (sick) victory I felt. And I KNEW that what it all came back to was the amazing time I had spent in God's presence.
Yesterday I was still on the hunt for protein, which makes sense for my insulin resistent body after all the carbo-loading I did, and I didn't intentionally guard myself as I ate. I was probably not as diligent as I should have been, but I also didn't go crazy with any more candy and sweets.
Today I feel like I have awakened with a renewed vision, and an assurance that the key to my overcoming my food battles lies in my relationship with the Lord. As I type this my (surely stretched out) stomach is grumbling with hunger - oh sweet hunger, ho wI rejoice in thee... but I am holding off till lunch time. I picked up a wrap from Trader Joe's for lunch, determined only to eat as much as it takes to satisfy the rumble. I'm proud of the last cookie in the bakery box on my desk (courtesy of my dad last week) that remains untouched this morning.
I am certain if I can find the balance between abiding in the Lord and being diligent about what I put in my mouth and why, I will find victory over my food issues - that I can live my life saying "no" to pie. Moderation and true hunger are keys to my victory, and I determined anew to press forward until I find it is not victory, but victorious living for me, in Jesus' name.
This weekend I went to a women's retreat, and I don't know what it is about us girls when we get together, but we (at least me and those close to me) treat eating food like it's a sport.
I tried to be relatively good about what I brought up, just almonds mostly, but once we got there I did a swan dive into indulgence of all the yummy goodiness that all my roomies had brought.
Now let me say, ther eis NOTHING wrong with them having brought the goodies, and NO ONE threw me into the pool of over indulgence - I jumped in on my own. The fact is, the revelation was very clear (yet again) that I have some serious issues with self-control. I should be able to stand need deep in Zingers and HoHos and just say "no." Because I am a big girl, and I actually DO have control over what I put in my mouth.
By Saturday night there has been licorice and MnMs and Junior Mints and Hostess Cupcakes and all kinds of goodies, ON TOP of the three square meals a day the camp provided. I did a lot of complaining about the large amount of ruffage we were eating (it may be a while before I can look a salad straight on,) but in reality I should possible send the camp a thank you note that they didn't serve us their well known burgers and burritos.
I ate meals when I wasn't hugry, I went for dessert when I was full. My choices were horrendous and all in the name of "fun." But there is nothing fun about losing control.
Saturday evening after dinner, a dinner I ate though not hungry - but my body was crying out for the first sign of protein, but afterwards I found myself back in my cabin pouring my heart out to God.
A few minutes later my dear friend joined me, and then more friends came along, and we sought the Lord together. Now let me say, not a single word of prayer was about the issue of food. But it was about obedience and God's will, and most of all just about abiding in Him.
We went to service after that. During service I stepped out to use the restroom and found the foyer FILLED with pies, chocolate, strawberry, peach, coconut- it had the makings of a stellar food fight. Despite the over indulgence all weekend long up to that point, I didn't find myself feeling physically full. Hunger was nowhere to be found, but I was not stuffed, but I knew as I stood there there was a battle between me and the pies.
I went back inside where service finished up and told my buddies about what awaited outside, and then it was announced from the front. I had NO DESIRE for pie. Which sadly isn't enough to stop me from indulging anyway, but this time it was. I said no, several times. And I cannot express the sense of (sick) victory I felt. And I KNEW that what it all came back to was the amazing time I had spent in God's presence.
Yesterday I was still on the hunt for protein, which makes sense for my insulin resistent body after all the carbo-loading I did, and I didn't intentionally guard myself as I ate. I was probably not as diligent as I should have been, but I also didn't go crazy with any more candy and sweets.
Today I feel like I have awakened with a renewed vision, and an assurance that the key to my overcoming my food battles lies in my relationship with the Lord. As I type this my (surely stretched out) stomach is grumbling with hunger - oh sweet hunger, ho wI rejoice in thee... but I am holding off till lunch time. I picked up a wrap from Trader Joe's for lunch, determined only to eat as much as it takes to satisfy the rumble. I'm proud of the last cookie in the bakery box on my desk (courtesy of my dad last week) that remains untouched this morning.
I am certain if I can find the balance between abiding in the Lord and being diligent about what I put in my mouth and why, I will find victory over my food issues - that I can live my life saying "no" to pie. Moderation and true hunger are keys to my victory, and I determined anew to press forward until I find it is not victory, but victorious living for me, in Jesus' name.
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